Yes it's true...I'm still trying to recuperate from the SL party in Las Vegas...which is partly why I haven't posted about the party. Too many things happened during the party as well as right after which weighed me down a bit.
Many things are swirling around in my head at the moment so I figure I'll get this stuff down before something else comes in and interferes with my thoughts.
The party was GREAT!! The dynamic of the party was definitely different than parties in the past and before you think it sounds like a complaint..it's NOT! I've never gone to a SL party without my posse of "girls". Some of the greatest, funnest times I've had have been with my "girls", but some of them couldn't make it this time around. This time it was just me and TGC. YAY!! Well, not JUST us, there were something like 200 other guests there, but it was extremely hard to realize that other people were there. In parties past, I was out and about, playing with others at suite parties, or fulfilling play dates. This time I enjoyed just being with TGC. I'm not saying that I didn't play with others, because I did. I relaxed and laughed and gambled with TGC and we had a BLAST doing it!! Now, now, I don't want to disappoint anyone...He DID spank me (when DOESN'T he spank me!!)
So where am I going with this you're probably wondering...well, I guess I was asking myself a lot of questions throughout the weekend and they carried over to when I got back. What happens when you find the "One"??
First of all, I can't begin to express how happy I am right now. TGC makes me laugh so much and keeps things in perspective, I sit home and think, so THIS is what was missing all this time? Funny how you never know what you've been missing until you get in right?? I've been missing that...someone in my life who makes me feel good about why I'm here. Before I get a WHOLE bunch of people mad at me with that statement, you ALL know what I mean.
A while back, long before TGC was even in the picture...even before I started out in the scene search, I was a happy girl once. I had a perfect little life with someone who fulfilled every aspect of my life, even spanking. And then they were gone...simple as that. Not even a chance to let them know how much they meant to me, but I'm sure they knew it. I spent a lot of time after that not even caring about what happened next. I just wanted to MAKE it to the next moment. Simple goals really. Get up, get to work, eat, get home, sleep. Getting through the days until they became weeks, and then months, then finally years. The numbness wears off after time and then you start to feel again. Oh sure, I wasn't entirely alone...I chose the path most traveled...I chose a toxic relationship and commiserated. It wasn't so bad until the fog cleared. All in the past...I've moved way past all that stuff.
When I finally started to live again and search out there in the scene among my friends, I didn't really know what I was looking for. And to be honest with you (and myself) a part of me didn't even want to put that out there...I didn't want to narrow it down to specifics. I wanted to keep it simple. I wanted someone who would make me laugh and who liked me for me. I wanted someone who would make me happy. Because I already knew that whoever it was that came into my life was going to get GOLD when they got me. Because I know me...I know what I give in return...and trust me...I'm GOLDEN!! (hahahahaha, yeah no modesty here, right?)
So while I searched, I interviewed many friends on their thoughts, got a ton of advice on what they were looking for and so forth and compared to what I wanted. Most of them thought I shouldn't look for anything because that's when you don't find what you're looking for. One person (a special person at that, Thank you ME) told me to NEVER settle for less than what I wanted. As a matter of fact, they gave me a calendar quote that I have posted and can see every day that reads, "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even LESS than you settled for." For some reason, that's what stuck with me. I didn't want less...I wanted what I wanted...but WHAT was that??
Well I didn't want a married man, and low and behold, I felt like a damn married man magnet!! It was horrible!! Just when I thought I was done with a married man trying to get in my inner circle, another one would come. It was beyond frustrating!! But I didn't want to be some one's #2. I wanted to be #1. So as hard as it was, I forged forward...still searching and having NO luck at all.
At the same time, I practically gave up and just started to focus on me. That was a first... Times before when I thought about just me, no one was happy. That's because no one got my attention. But that's the point of focusing on me right?? It was a crazy time , but it didn't turn out to be so bad. Strangely enough, the "me" time got me closer to my friends. I traveled with friends, I went to parties out of state and had a BLAST!
Out of nowhere (just like they said) I met TGC. Although our first meeting wasn't exactly fireworks or falling stars...it was in alignment with what would happen the months that followed when we met again. I'll be the first to admit, I wasn't quite sure what it all meant when we met. I thought he was a stalker for God's sake!! How was I supposed to know he was just trying to get to know me better!! LOL!! Just goes to show you how out of the loop I was right?? Or just how much I was focusing on me...who knows.
I'm happy to say that was almost 9 months ago...and I'm still as happy as I was the first time I went to visit TGC in NJ/NY/DC/PA. I enjoy his company and how he makes me laugh still even today. Maybe it's helpful that we're thousands of miles away from each other...I don't know, and I don't want to know. I just want what I want...and that's for TGC to NOT go away.
It's a simple request really ... simple for a brat like me I guess...
Until next time...
~maria fbg~
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